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Guardian Towers is too high for them to notice the smell of death coming from Labour

Dim Marina Hyde of Guardian Towers is puzzled:

Of all the hills to die on, why on earth has Labour chosen Chris Williamson?


The party’s baffling decision to re-admit an MP accused of antisemitism comes as faith in the leadership is faltering

It’s only baffling if you haven’t a clue what’s going on with Labour. It makes perfect sense if you understand that Labour is full of people who think that rich bloodthirsty Jews run the world, and they have secret meetings to where they command the Jewish people to vote Conservative while pretending to everyone else that they are lifelong leftists who always vote Labour. Secret meetings where they hatch their plots to crush the dreams of ex-SWP members. Those sort of people infest Labour now, but Marina hasn’t noticed.

The rest of Marina’s column reads like all her other columns, ie., like an impression of a typical student newspaper article that she dashed off in ten minutes. For example:

But to only slightly misquote Gary Busey in Point Break: I was in this bureau while you were still popping zits on your funny little faces and jacking off to the lingerie section of the Sears catalogue. Furthermore: listen, you snot-nosed little shits! I was taking shrapnel in Khe Sanh when you were crapping in your hands and rubbing it in your faces. Gotta say I don’t feel like Busey would have spent three years parroting lines like “jobs-first Brexit” or all the other bollocks you’ve dutifully disseminated on behalf of central command. Now dears, may I offer you another steak?

Apparently there are some people who regard themselves as advanced human beings because they submit themselves to read a whole column of this sort of stuff. In fact, multiple columns. And they’ll do so every week, for years on end. That’s why you never meet a sane Guardian column reader. Sure you might meet sane people who browse the news stories in the Guardian. But you’ll never meet a sane one who’s dutifully read every Marina Hyde column week in, week out, for more than five years.

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2 thoughts on “Guardian Towers is too high for them to notice the smell of death coming from Labour

  1. In recent months, I have been trying to reach the end of the first sentence in one of Marina’s articles but in vain. I get submerged in a wave of cultural references that mean nothing to me. Isn’t she too old to be down with the yoof?

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