I’m convinced you’re a woman, even if thousands aren’t

Narcissistic media type puts on a dress and grows breasts using hormones and thinks he’s a woman.

It has to be said that the woman I encounter today is a world away from the man I knew during a period in the 1990s when, as journalists, we would frequently find ourselves writing on opposite sides of the gender divide. But the fact that we are now two 60-something women – hopefully on the same side – is not as strange as I expected it to be.

The reason it’s not as strange as you expected is possibly because he’s still the guy you knew, only with a dress and lippy.

There are, it should be said, certain areas of Diana’s past life that are not up for discussion. We do not, for instance, talk about her ex-wife (they were married for 30 years) or their three grown-up children; two daughters and a son

No, we don’t talk about them, because that’s rather awkward, isn’t it?

I don’t go into a ladies loo to oppress women. I go in there to have a pee. I go into a cubicle where no one can see me, pull up my skirt, sit down – well actually sometimes I have to stand because of my prostate

How much more ladylike can you get than having to sometimes stand up to pee because of your prostate? I’m amazed you’re not already the pres of your local WI.

And I absolutely don’t deny the guy in me. I am not pretending I am not still him in many ways. I mean I still do that thing of sitting down on Saturday and watching Sky Sports before the game, during the game and after the game because four geezers talking football constitutes entertainment to me. But I also blub my eyes out to Strictly Come Dancing and I rather like the fact that I can do both of those things.’

A guy who likes football and has emotions, that’s never been heard of before, you must totally be a woman and nothing else.

Are there, I nervously ask, now boyfriends in Diana’s life?


‘No, I wouldn’t enter into a relationship until some time after I have had the operation,’ she says carefully after a thoughtful pause.

Yes, well, it’s a bit hard to pretend you’re woman having sex with a man when there’s a big hairy cock and balls in-between you both. Who do those belong to? ‘Oh, sorry, darling, I don’t know how those got there, the cleaner must have left them behind, just ignore them and put your manhood into my womanly vagina, the one that looks and smells like a man’s bumhole, but isn’t’.

But surely, I persist, part of the dream she is pursuing must include the idea that one day her prince will come? ‘Yes, yes is the answer.


Yes, I do want my prince to come.’

It’s almost like you’re … a gay man.

And actually I think that ultimately I would make somebody a really good wife.

Good luck convincing a man to think the same.

I love creating a beautiful home, nothing makes me happier – except possibly cooking a lovely meal or going shopping.

You spent years writing blokey novels and editing Punch magazine. Somehow I can’t see any man being convinced that you’re just a sweet little homemaker.

Seconds later, though, that other Diana is back – the sharp, sassy, witty one who owes quite a lot to her former self and is determined to amuse, bemuse and entertain us all as we follow her on her journey. ‘I mean look at me – long legs, brand-new breasts, knows the offside rule and the LBW rule, and can tell a googly from a flipper and if you want to watch endless documentaries about World War II be my guest! I think I have a lot to offer any man, don’t you?’

I don’t know about other blokes, but ‘Is actually a woman’ comes higher on my list of desired female characteristics than ‘Can tell a googly from a flipper’.

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3 thoughts on “I’m convinced you’re a woman, even if thousands aren’t

  1. Give a wide berth to anyone who uses “sassy” – and probably to anyone described as sassy.

    Is sassy quite as bad as savvy? Even worse I suspect.

  2. What I can never understand with these M2F transgenders is how they can go from being married with kids etc and sex with women, to suddenly wanting cock because they are ‘now a woman’, without contradicting the prime Leftist directive that sexual preference is hard wired at birth, and can never be changed by personal choice or societal pressures. A person born with a female brain in a man’s body should by my estimation have always wanted cock. So logically most trans women should have lived as gay men before transition. But they never do. They all go from married with 2 kids to wanting sex with men. You never see gay men transitioning, or indeed single non-gay men. Its always middle aged married types.

    As far as I can see one of the two ideas has to go – either sexual attraction is fixed at birth and cannot change, OR you can suddenly change sexual orientation when you transition from male to female. But not both.

    My feeling is that the whole trans thing is largely caused by some sort of underlying psychological problem – I think for many men its a way of drawing attention to themselves at a time in life when men become quite anonymous. Middle aged men are rather ignored by society and I feel that for more narcissistic types its a plea for attention – look at me, I’m a woman now! Its the middle aged equivalent of the kid who acts up to gain parental attention.

  3. A lady friend once suggested to me that if blokes had tits, they’d NEVER get out of the shower.

    Have this bloke’s water and heating bills gone through the roof?

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