Apparently this was in Private Eye: At first I thought this was just a good joke. But then I did some maths: £106bn/531km = app. £200 million per kilometre. (I also checked the length of HS2, and it is 531km.) £200 mill/1000 = £200 000 per metre. Divide by 100 and you get £2000 per […]
I travelled to London on Tuesday to visit Comedy Unleashed (at the Backyard Comedy Club in Bethnal Green), as my new mate Toby Young was performing. (This is going to be a name-dropping review, can’t really avoid that, so let’s get started with it.) Also, I’d been wanting to go for ages as it’s a […]
Seems pretty topical these days (click to enlarge): Social media
BBC’s Pidgen English newspage is not supposed to be the sort of thing you laugh at, but it’s hard not to: After female sex robot ‘Harmony’ enter market last year, male sex robot deh laboratory and e go fit enter market later dis year. Matt McMullen CEO, for Realbotix company weh e di make […]
A recommended bit of fun for Christmas/New Year from my new friend Dan Cure: https://danielcure.blogspot.com/2020/01/a-woke-christmas-carol.html Social media
Things would change, they’re right: Mainly the mortality statistics. Social media
Here’s some much-needed wisdom from the manual for my new fridge: Problem: Bottles or receptacles are touching each other Solution: Move the bottles or receptacles slightly away from each other. Perhaps one of the manual writers always wanted to write scripts for the Simpsons. (TV ad: Warning: tickets should not be taken internally. Homer: See, […]
It turns out Justin Trudeau has often done something that would result in career suicide if done by a conservative: Two more instances of Justin Trudeau in racist makeup have surfaced hours after Time Magazine reported that he wore brown face at an “Arabian Nights” themed fundraiser in January 2001. But he gets a free […]
How We Can Be A Better Cricket Team, by Trevor Bayliss: Exclusively revealed: Trevor Bayliss shares his blueprint for English cricket to make the Test team more successful One of his ideas is: Banning touring players from playing county cricket before a Test series That is, stop the opposition players getting some practice in in […]
A fitting end to a wretched Prime Ministership. The music fits perfectly. Social media
You remember the Australian guy who ate a raw slug while drunk and it eventually killed him? Now there’s a guy – also an Australian, you may not be surprised to hear – who’s eaten a raw gecko, and that killed him too: David was dared to eat a gecko at a party. He died […]
This is actually a good idea: German soldiers used broomsticks painted black instead of guns during a joint Nato exercise last year due to severe equipment shortages, it has emerged. The incident took place during exercises for Nato’s rapid response force, formed in reaction to the Ukraine crisis, which is supposed to be ready […]
I am serious — Steve Bell, the long-time Guardian cartoonist is a national treasure. He should be knighted one day, and buried in Westminster Abbey. For over twenty years the Guardian has chosen to publish his political cartoons. This has been a Godsend to right-wing political figures, because Bell’s cartoons are probably the least funny […]
Woman complains about a dating agency. The complaint is reasonable. The naivety, however, is astounding: I spent £2,795 with a dating agency called Attractive Partners, which after five months has not found me any decent men. I took the more expensive “headhunting” package because its excellent sales person told me there would be a […]
Rory Stewart is in my front room asking me questions in Arabic, and he won’t leave. Please send help. The children are terrified of him. Update: One thing I’ve discovered from our little chat is that Rory’s full name is Roderick James Nugent Stewart. That means that really we should be calling him Rod Stewart. […]
I have finally discovered what the White Walkers were trying to say! Here’s the message: “PASS THERESA’S WITHDRAWAL AGREEMENT OR YOU SHALL ALL DIE”. [P.S. This is my created graphic, it’s not just something stolen off the internet.] Social media
So. Game of Thrones. I don’t watch it, except the occasional bit when I can’t avoid it (my wife is a fan). Latest episode: dragon burns city. So I watched this short clip in a story about the Simpsons predicting it. Can someone explain to me how it is that the dragon’s fire doesn’t just […]
In an amazing new scientific finding, it has been discovered that Conservative MPs perceive time slower than everyone else. Social media
Well, what a day. So much has happened. In the morning – this was yesterday morning now – I went to a Spiritual Well-Being seminar and the guru there said to live each day as if it was your last. I took that to heart. And now here I am 16 hours later. I’ve ransacked my […]
There’s a man whose brain disease makes him think it’s Christmas every day. Because he doesn’t like Christmas, this is horrible for him: His wife of 30 years Sarah, 63, said: “People say: ‘Oh how nice!’ when I tell them every day is Christmas for Chris but it’s not nice at all. Chris didn’t […]